The help.. The Gambino House Nannie

The Gambino house nannie has to be the hardest working person in the family. They are essentially our parents. We spent more time with them than our parents. The cycle continued with my kids and nieces and nephews. Its really a vicious cycle that needs intervened. A direct effect of the house nannie is unhealthy relationships with parents. I feel like they are almost strangers now. Not much has changed now that I am older with my own kids. When I speak to my parents its almost like I don't even know them and its hard to talk to them or get any objective achieved during any conversation. I fear my own kids go through this sad reality as well.
A typical day for a Gambino nannie starts with getting children up and ready for school.. then off to school. Then if there is still children home, they will spend the day catering to the children's every need. As well as cook sometimes (we had a cook that cooked), clean, laundry, and anything else needed done. Once the kids get home from school or get out of school the nannie will do after school practices, carpooling, school sport and other events, PTA, parent/teacher conferences.. Then whatever needs done.. homework, bath, whatever needs or wants done by the children. The nannie does the shopping and plans events at the home (holidays, anniversary's, family trips, parties, dinners, etc.)  She picks up the slack for whatever other part of the house staff is lacking. They make 1,400$ a week. Live for free on the property in the nannie quarters. Not very much considering the nannie does more than my multi-millionaire parents. I couldn't ever be a house nannie.
The children's relationship with the nannies are what parents and children should be. Its sad really. But we are lucky to have at least a house nannie to lean on. Parents are rarely around (I call it an excuse so they don't have to be around.) I know because right now my own children are with family and our house nannie and house staff. Its nothing I am proud of but its all I know. I cant figure out how to break this cycle myself. Its harder than it appears. I don't know HOW I am going to raise this baby I am pregnant with.. Rico said I cannot have a house nannie. I don't know what the heck I'm going to do. It will however, be interesting to see how different this child turns out compared to myself and my other kids. I have a lot of work ahead of me.. and I am starting completely over at 32 years old and scared to death. Most people want their family.. i.e parents around when they give birth to a child and the following weeks/months. Not me, I want my house nannie. I am just now able to do my own laundry and wash dishes and clean me and rico's house. On my own. I hate that, but then again its my reality.
I am thankful I had a house nannie, she was my best friend, parent, teacher, doctor, babysitter, she was a part of my family. Its weird we are being raised by another person and we end up still like our parents in so many ways. I adopted 2 boys and I've raised them for the past 11 years and they are just like me.. or more so like me than their parents. I thought I would be more like my nannie. I am in some ways but I sometimes think I am too much like my crazy mother and busy reclusive father. I wish I would have had a choice in the matter of a house nannie.. maybe I wouldn't be so scared to give birth right now. I have never even changed a diaper on my own. SMH this will be interesting.

My husband to be.. Rico vs ebonics

So in my generation we have this term of "Real Nigga" ... definition of this is a honest, loyal, fair, someone you can count on. I was begining to think that I would never meet one. Then I met Rico. The man.. only man I've truly loved. The man who showed me genuine true love. So urban ebonic terms such as "real nigga" became real. I finally met one. I've never met a more hard working man, dedicated, loyal man in my life. This man would go to war with God for me. Never have I felt so cherished. Genuinely.. like for myself and who I am as a person instead of what family I come from or social status. He loves me for just Candis. Never thought I would have that. I regularly thank God for him. And I haven't prayed since my sons funeral. Rico has made me a better me. He's my best friend, my other half. He has given me a reason to live again. Live longer. He saved me.. literally. This is the man I will spend the rest of my life with. Today (Feb 11th 2016) I am 7 weeks pregnant with our second baby.. we lost our first one November 28th 2015. We couldn't be happier. Rico is the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm starting over. New. Happy. While I'm telling my story backwards.. as I am living it the same. Except happy with a new family. 

Nervous twitch

So my husband to be Rico had a Dr appointment in the city I haven't been back to. The city I experienced my own living nightmare. While I feel safe and secure with Rico, he isn't bulletproof. So all the uneasy, nervous, anxious feelings flooded back. Especially after look to my right and off in the distance I see the housing addition I lived in with my worst nightmare. I was holding a piece of candy in the wrapper while we rode by. Rico took it away from me because I was nervously messing with it making a ton of noise. I couldn't hear anything but the sound of claudelle yelling me.. the sound of bullets being fired at me, the sound of bullets hitting metal as they tore through my car.. the sound of his fist hitting my head.. or whatever he could contact. This in only 4 months with him. Claudelle is my living nightmare. I met him on my current (supposed to be 1 month get away from New York - I'll explain in latter blogs) and instantly I didn't like him. He was just not my type. Too thug for me. But as with most relationship mess ups I was bored and alone at my godparents. Healing FROM DIVORCE *RED FLAG DUH* so we started hanging out and I don't know why or even how but we we're inseparable after a short time. But he was insanely controlling and possessive. Soon I wasn't allowed to go jog, gym, tan or go out with family. But I stuck with him. One afternoon I went to his house (roommates with brother and my godniece, next door) and he has a friend over.. his friend and I are friends already so we are casually talking and out of nowhere something pissed claudelle be cause he yanked me up and took me in to his room and beat me.. until I was covered in bruises. This happened often. It became frequent. Eventually my godparents began to notice the obvious signs and forbade him in my life. So as any RETARDED person would do, I picked up and moved away with him. To the neighboring town. Things got worse.. he got mean. He was a whole different person. He stayed fighting me. Hands on me for his pleasure I guess because he would want to have sex immediately after. 2-3 times. One time I refused. He grabbed the phone charger plugged in next to the bed and tied my hands up with it and raped me. I cried the whole time.. that time he falsely accused me of having a friend of his in our house. He thought I cheated. I really didn't. Not that time anyway. Claudelle ends up in jail for an old warrant. Ticket unpaid. I left him in there and I slept with his best friend 3 times. (our roommate at the time) Smurf. I got my car shot up while I was driving it the week after he got out of jail. Smurf told him we had sex. I got a call to go pick up trejo (a friend of ours) so I sat out front of Washington and 8th street.. I waited so long I got tired of waiting and left. I pull out and onto Washington, and a newer white car speeds in front of me from behind me.. immediately I see claudelle in a orange shirt hanging out the back window screaming stop bitch so I was like fuck this I'm going to hit the car. I got super close. He reached his right arm out and I'm thinking why does his stupid ass have a towel around his hand?? Then all I remember is hearing loud pops. 6 of them. I turned a corner and was trying to get to a public place so he would stop. I thought I lost them for a minute. Then I see them again. This time SMURF pops out the back window I notice he has claudelle's orange shirt around his hand. He  fired 2 shots. I'm just like really?! Smurf telling me claudelle ain't shit and some more stuff.. now he's shooting at me too??? I remember I was stopped, window shattered so I could hear outside. I could hear claudelle yelling "shoot that bitch" and smurf is yelling "the clip is empty man!" They drove away. I called my friend to come help me. That night they took pics partying in the same clothes they we're wearing as they sprayed my car with bullets, claudelle even had the orange shirt on. Luckily for him.. for them, I'm a Gambino.. we don't call cops. A week later I went back to him. Within a week he had held a gun to my head threatening to kill me. I got cut off my trust fund by this time. 10,000$ a month. Gone. Claudelle was selling dope. So we we're OK. I ended up pregnant and had a obvious abortion. I wasn't keeping a baby from a man hell bent on killing me. I really didn't know why I was with him. I was completely iceotic at this point. Things only lasted another week. I walked home from up the street but wasn't supposed to be gone. I was honestly with my girlfriend Christina. I walked up my front porch as "Third" the cousin of smurf walks over from next door. As soon as I walked through the door that day it would be the last time. I immediately got my head yanked up by my hair (it's down to my butt) and pulled down the hall to our bedroom and the whole time claudelle is screaming at me saying "Oh you want to fuck with another nigga!!?" I'm yelling no!!!! Kicking and screaming.. begging and pleading for him to stop. I hear third say "Man come on she didn't speak to me." Smurf butts in to tell third "man just stay out of it.. he's going to beat her ass either way. That time was the worst and last time. I was unconscious for this fight. I just remember him waking me up by kicking me in the stomach then dragging me to the front door by my hair. Telling me to get out.. but don't let him catch me with another nigga because I'm his woman forever. And that he will kill me and whoever.  Then smurf is heard in the distance yelling "you may be my nigga woman but you my bitch forever. And don't forget it. I take off.. no phone,  he shattered it. And go up the street back to christina went back for some of my belongings the next day. That was the day I left that town. Today was my first time back. It's crazy.. this life. The town I came to, to hide from  claudelle I met my soul mate. The only TRUE love of my life. Rico. We are pregnant for the second time - due in Sept.  We lost the first one November 28. Writing my book and reliving all of my life I had.. or lack thereof rather, made me stop and look at Rico, our home, our kids.. our life and I looked at Rico and said "if all of the pain and torment I had to go through with Claudelle was necessary to bring me to you, it was all worth it." I truly love the father of my children, future husband, Rico that much.