Tomorrow (Feb 12th) marks one of the worst days of my life. November 28th 2009 I gave birth to the most adorable baby girl Dell'Amore Carmelita Gambino she was 2 months early. She was just over 3bs. But perfect in every way. She lived only almost 3 months. I remember the events that unfolded on one of the worst days of my life. It was early morning February 12th 2010 and my husband got up to run to the store while the house Nannie got the kids ready for school. I was sleep. I was out until 3 am for work, the night before, I had held a Valentine event at the convention center. I had Jagged edge and R. Kelley in concert. This is when I owned my record label. Most nights we're late nights at shows or in the studio. So I slept late often. But that day was odd, out of nowhere I wake up at 7:27 and as I looked at my alarm clock at the time I glance over and seen Dell'Amore laying on her stomach with her little butt poked up in the air. I could tell her dad had moved her. She was between my husband and I when I went to sleep. I reached over and rubbed the back of her head. And she didn't even flinch. She was a very light sleeper. Would respond to any stimuli. So I kinda wiggled her butt with my hand. She didn't move. I hurry and grab her up and flip her over and she is greyish blue. The ugliest color you have ever seen. She was lifeless. I was worried I would hurt her so I sat her down and called 911. I'm screaming and yelling and I don't remember a word I said to the dispatch. I just remember trying to keep the kids from seeing their sister lifeless on the bed. But my daughter Haley wouldn't listen she just had to be with her new sissy. She ADORED her. Exactly what she always wanted.. a sister. She was devasted to a sickening degree. A degree in which she still has issues today. She never was right after her sister died. So I let Haley hold her sisters hand. The house Nannie was keeping the boys occupied. I'm running from one end of the house to the other looking for my husband. Was she like this when he left? His cell phone on the table next to the bed. Emt arrived finally it seemed like forever. Then my husband got back. He runs inside. They had to hold him back he was hysterical as was I. This was tragic. They laid Dell'Amore on our kitchen table to work on her. They seemed to be taking forever to open plastic wrap off their medical instruments and stuff. She just lied there turning blueer and blueer. I'm cussing them at this point. I got infuriated by this time and yelled my father is a doctor if you don't start doing something to my child to save her I swear none of you will have a job. They swiftly had officers move me. They got her pulse and took her to the hospital. In the ems on the way I called family. Within minutes there was every family member in the area at the hospital. The cops seen that as a kid in a candy store. We we're on the news. In newspapers. I made front page.. the following day. I went to the newspaper office and threw the biggest fit. I almost lunged at the woman when she said what she posted was freedom of speech and the public has a right to know. I felt violated. They got pictures of my family grieving over my daughter. They got a picture of the doctor kneeled down in front of me telling me she wasn't revivable. After that moment I screamed and cried.. I swear heaven could hear me. After I calmed down they let us go see her. I'll never forget that long walk down that cold white hall. My husband on one side, my father on my my other side. As I neared her room I could see her just lying there on the gurney. I fell to my knees screaming hysterically. My dad sat in the floor with me as I cried. He held me and cried with me. All I could say is no!!!! And why!!!?? Begging and pleading God to give my baby back. All the family gathered and helped me through this and walked me to the hospital room. There was at least a hundred family members, coaches, teammates of my husband. I walked into that cold room. I gently sat on the gurney next to where my lifeless daughter laid. My father sat next to me. He picked up my daughter and held her. He was just looking down the whole time. Crying. Looking at his granddaughter. He then put her in my arms. My arms felt like me jelly. I could barely breath. Looking down at my daughter as she lay freely and lifeless in my arms. They say there is no physical pain in heartbreak. Thats the biggest, hardest lesson I learned first hand. I swear I literally felt my heart break. All I could do is cry. Why couldn't God have taken me instead? I have plenty of health problems and she didn't. I tried to beg, plead and bargain with God.. He only moves in His will. Unfortunately, my screams seemed unheard. My daughter was now an Angel in heaven with Him and her siblings. Remember the title of this entry is "It comes in 3's.." yes this is a horror that for some reason only known to God, the supreme being that has repeatedly ripped my children from me. For why? All I can do is trust in Him. The next few days we're a blur thanks to Xanex. We let my husbands football coach do the grave side service after mass. We let Haley pick her dress out we buried her in. People and family came from all over the world. A couple thousand people signed the book at the funeral. I don't really remember the service but I remember walking into Christ The King Catholic Church.. my home parish. Her white casket with hundreds of flower arrangements stood at the front of the stage of the cathedral. I walked up to her casket and leaned over and clutched it with every ounce of life I had in me. I cried out. Screaming again. Begging again. This hurt so bad. My father spared no expense for her service, casket, and burial. He had her casket inside designed like her nursery. Pink and brown. She was buried in a purple baby Gucci dress. We put her necklace, ring and bracelet on her. Painted her nails. She reigned as her little princess self for only a short time but she forever is my princess. As I set in me and Rico's bed where I am writing this entry. I am reminded I am 7 weeks pregnant. Can you imagine having to write about burying your children while pregnant with another baby? I hate to think of how I will be after the baby is born. I am crying as I type this. I cannot imagine.
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