Nervous twitch

So my husband to be Rico had a Dr appointment in the city I haven't been back to. The city I experienced my own living nightmare. While I feel safe and secure with Rico, he isn't bulletproof. So all the uneasy, nervous, anxious feelings flooded back. Especially after look to my right and off in the distance I see the housing addition I lived in with my worst nightmare. I was holding a piece of candy in the wrapper while we rode by. Rico took it away from me because I was nervously messing with it making a ton of noise. I couldn't hear anything but the sound of claudelle yelling me.. the sound of bullets being fired at me, the sound of bullets hitting metal as they tore through my car.. the sound of his fist hitting my head.. or whatever he could contact. This in only 4 months with him. Claudelle is my living nightmare. I met him on my current (supposed to be 1 month get away from New York - I'll explain in latter blogs) and instantly I didn't like him. He was just not my type. Too thug for me. But as with most relationship mess ups I was bored and alone at my godparents. Healing FROM DIVORCE *RED FLAG DUH* so we started hanging out and I don't know why or even how but we we're inseparable after a short time. But he was insanely controlling and possessive. Soon I wasn't allowed to go jog, gym, tan or go out with family. But I stuck with him. One afternoon I went to his house (roommates with brother and my godniece, next door) and he has a friend over.. his friend and I are friends already so we are casually talking and out of nowhere something pissed claudelle be cause he yanked me up and took me in to his room and beat me.. until I was covered in bruises. This happened often. It became frequent. Eventually my godparents began to notice the obvious signs and forbade him in my life. So as any RETARDED person would do, I picked up and moved away with him. To the neighboring town. Things got worse.. he got mean. He was a whole different person. He stayed fighting me. Hands on me for his pleasure I guess because he would want to have sex immediately after. 2-3 times. One time I refused. He grabbed the phone charger plugged in next to the bed and tied my hands up with it and raped me. I cried the whole time.. that time he falsely accused me of having a friend of his in our house. He thought I cheated. I really didn't. Not that time anyway. Claudelle ends up in jail for an old warrant. Ticket unpaid. I left him in there and I slept with his best friend 3 times. (our roommate at the time) Smurf. I got my car shot up while I was driving it the week after he got out of jail. Smurf told him we had sex. I got a call to go pick up trejo (a friend of ours) so I sat out front of Washington and 8th street.. I waited so long I got tired of waiting and left. I pull out and onto Washington, and a newer white car speeds in front of me from behind me.. immediately I see claudelle in a orange shirt hanging out the back window screaming stop bitch so I was like fuck this I'm going to hit the car. I got super close. He reached his right arm out and I'm thinking why does his stupid ass have a towel around his hand?? Then all I remember is hearing loud pops. 6 of them. I turned a corner and was trying to get to a public place so he would stop. I thought I lost them for a minute. Then I see them again. This time SMURF pops out the back window I notice he has claudelle's orange shirt around his hand. He  fired 2 shots. I'm just like really?! Smurf telling me claudelle ain't shit and some more stuff.. now he's shooting at me too??? I remember I was stopped, window shattered so I could hear outside. I could hear claudelle yelling "shoot that bitch" and smurf is yelling "the clip is empty man!" They drove away. I called my friend to come help me. That night they took pics partying in the same clothes they we're wearing as they sprayed my car with bullets, claudelle even had the orange shirt on. Luckily for him.. for them, I'm a Gambino.. we don't call cops. A week later I went back to him. Within a week he had held a gun to my head threatening to kill me. I got cut off my trust fund by this time. 10,000$ a month. Gone. Claudelle was selling dope. So we we're OK. I ended up pregnant and had a obvious abortion. I wasn't keeping a baby from a man hell bent on killing me. I really didn't know why I was with him. I was completely iceotic at this point. Things only lasted another week. I walked home from up the street but wasn't supposed to be gone. I was honestly with my girlfriend Christina. I walked up my front porch as "Third" the cousin of smurf walks over from next door. As soon as I walked through the door that day it would be the last time. I immediately got my head yanked up by my hair (it's down to my butt) and pulled down the hall to our bedroom and the whole time claudelle is screaming at me saying "Oh you want to fuck with another nigga!!?" I'm yelling no!!!! Kicking and screaming.. begging and pleading for him to stop. I hear third say "Man come on she didn't speak to me." Smurf butts in to tell third "man just stay out of it.. he's going to beat her ass either way. That time was the worst and last time. I was unconscious for this fight. I just remember him waking me up by kicking me in the stomach then dragging me to the front door by my hair. Telling me to get out.. but don't let him catch me with another nigga because I'm his woman forever. And that he will kill me and whoever.  Then smurf is heard in the distance yelling "you may be my nigga woman but you my bitch forever. And don't forget it. I take off.. no phone,  he shattered it. And go up the street back to christina went back for some of my belongings the next day. That was the day I left that town. Today was my first time back. It's crazy.. this life. The town I came to, to hide from  claudelle I met my soul mate. The only TRUE love of my life. Rico. We are pregnant for the second time - due in Sept.  We lost the first one November 28. Writing my book and reliving all of my life I had.. or lack thereof rather, made me stop and look at Rico, our home, our kids.. our life and I looked at Rico and said "if all of the pain and torment I had to go through with Claudelle was necessary to bring me to you, it was all worth it." I truly love the father of my children, future husband, Rico that much.